Green-Eyed Trouser Snake

It's 3 am, I'm being petty and jealous, and sexting has ceased to turn me on. I have a feeling that at the other end, my fellow sexter is either handing his phone around to friends, is piss-drunk, or is combining the two, plus adding a little "other girl" possibility, just to make things more interesting.

Or it's 3 am and too late for sex.

And I have no right to be jealous.

It's funny how I want to have a one-woman man, yet it seems that since the ex and I broke it off, I'm incapable of the same. He's not with anyone, and has all the right in the world to have sex with whomever he wants. I more wish he didn't vocalize it. Yes I realize he's a grown man with needs that I cannot satisfy for him,and that he will take other lovers. Understandable. Just maybe not people I know, would be preferable. Or if so, perhaps he could just mention it in passing instead of planning it out with me and asking my opinion.

Or, maybe, I should just pull my head out of my ass, stop making demands of him and be happy that he may have an opportunity with a quirky, artistic, very pretty redhead, that satisfies most, if not all of his fantasy girl attributes.

I'm thinking that I'm going to take that last option there.

Adam has put me off for sex, which makes the petty jealous side of me a little more pronounced that usual. I really wish that didn't make me feel totally worthless, but somehow it does regardless. Cheap and expected on one side, worthless and ignored on another.

What's better: Sex because it's good, without attachment, or a relationship where sex is decent, infrequent and emotions sort of come into play?

At least I know what I want:


1) Companionship

Someone I can hang out with on a regular basis, who is capable of interesting conversation

2) Honesty

Somehow spending my days guessing how the other person feels, what they want and expect, if they're only with me out of pity or if they are genuinely interested is not on the top list of things I want to spend my Saturday doing. Or Monday. Or Thursday. Well, ever, really. I would ask but that makes everything awkward.

3) Meaningful Relationship

Sex without one is fine until possessiveness takes over, either on one side or another. Then, either a relationship in imminent, or the sex ends, period. Otherwise you get weird, awkward friendship mixed with sex and hurt feelings, which is about as much fun as getting repeatedly poked in the eye with a fork.

4) Sex

As you may have already guessed.

Need it. Love it. Gotta have it.


That all being said: goals for the day include anything other than thinking about sex, losing the jealous thing (stupid really), and getting to class on time. Also to stop sexting in the late hours of the night.